I had a wonderful Father’s Day with my family sharing & laughing over a meal. I also am very blessed to have such wonderful memories of my own father Leroy, who passed away nearly four years ago. There is never a day that goes by when I don’t think of him, but today is especially nostalgic for me. As I wish all of the fathers out there a very happy day – their day, I must briefly respond to those women, namely some single mothers, who think it’s OK to hijack this holiday from men. I shared this on Facebook & I stand by it:
I have really had it with some women trying to hijack Father’s Day just because you had children with an irresponsible man & he is absentee. Let the men have their ONE day ladies. Women are not fathers nor can they be. Women aren’t female versions of men (or vice-versa).You are a woman, a mother doing the best you can and/or a phenomenal job in the absence of your children’s father. Unless some of you ladies have suddenly grown male sex organs & therefore know what it’s like to be a man, stop it with the “I’m Mom and Dad” nonsense, that’s impossible. Just be happy with YOUR day which we celebrated last month…sheesh! The irony is that you never hear single fathers wishing themselves a happy Mother’s Day…#howmuchattentiondoyouneed
This debate over single mothers declaring themselves as “both Mom & Dad” boils down to two sides – those who believe that parental roles are gender restrictive, and those who expand that to define it merely as anyone who fulfills the role in question, whether they are male or female. Obviously, I am in the former group. People who believe that it’s OK to wish single mothers “Happy Father’s Day” (or men “Happy Mother’s Day”) have succumb to this underlying missive from some in America, to neutralize gender, and this goes against humanity itself, which is equally dependent on procreation, therefore, both genders. This is an anti-humanity position as far as I’m concerned but I digress. The great irony of those of the latter persuasion, is that many of them were raised in single parent homes, and though they make the claim that “Mom is my Dad” or “Dad is my Mom” – there is still an underlying feeling that “something is missing”. This is usually the case when boys are raised by a single mother or daughters are raised by a single Dad, if the parent was not wise enough to seek help in co-rearing the child with someone of the opposite gender. Some have done this & their children are better for it and I am not speaking of such parents. If a single parent is fulfilling both roles as adequately as proponents of gender-neutral parenting claim, then there should be zero complaints or lamenting regarding the missing gender! You cannot celebrate your parent for fulfilling both roles and in the same breath complain that you did not have the other. It doesn’t work that way. As someone inevitably retorted to me on Facebook:
“While I do not support legalized same-sex marriage, I also recognize that in many homes gender alone does not define the role of mother and father.What about same-sex couples who are raising children, and each parent fulfills a different gender role?”
The answer is that in such households where the parents are of the same gender, only one role is being fulfilled but personalities & methods can be different. Gender is not something that can just be turned off or on like a light bulb in the same person, although some have tried. If children are being reared by two men then they have two fathers to honor on Father’s Day. Two lesbians raising children together mean that there are two mothers. Period. In any case, all I’m saying to the single Moms (because you pretty much never hear a single father declaring that he is both & should be honored as such) is that both genders have a day, stop hijacking Father’s Day from the men…
Until next time! God Bless!