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Tomorrow…

Greeting friends!

Happy Independance day to you all. As you celebrate with family, friends, fireworks & barbecue, here are my thoughts & memories of what this day means to me:

Yesterday was the anniversary of my Dad’s passing and I was totally fine. He’s been gone several years now. Today I remembered us rushing to the hospital, and the coroner literally waiting right near the front door to take his body. The nurse who called us kept her word, that they’d wait until we got there to see him, before letting them take his body. I remember being hit with the reality of his death when I kissed his forehead. It had already grown cold. I knew then – he’s really gone. This is just a shell before me. I smiled and cried at the same time. My sister’s wedding was in two weeks and she had to face the reality, that he wouldn’t be there to walk her down the aisle. She wasn’t going to have the father/daughter dance she had planned. My brother was the last one to see him alive. “Lance, I’m going for a walk. I won’t be long. I’ll see you when I get back,” he said. Those were his last words, except whatever sweet utterances he whispered in the ears of Christ, with his arms outstretched, upward bound. Though they’d been divorced, and amicably so, for several years, I saw my Mom cry for the first time in my life. As the eldest child, I knew that I had to be there for my family, and we had to plan a funeral. My grief would have to wait. I held it in so tightly that my pain manifested physically in the place of its emotional twin. A sudden, severe toothache sent me to the dentist the next morning. My blood pressure was sky high. My pain was going to be released one way or another…

We got in the car to leave and the phone started ringing. His corneas were to be donated to a recipient in need. He had agreed to this on his license and they were the only thing they could take from a 61 year old man with heart disease. Informing us was just a formality. Then we had the heart-wrenching task of informing family and friends. He wasn’t ill, his death was sudden. But what I remember most and first, is going to his home, looking in the refrigerator and seeing chicken already seasoned, ready for the grill – it was for tomorrow. Tomorrow. It’s not promised to any of us. We make plans, but God is in control. The next day was the 4th of July. He was a veteran (USAF) and very patriotic. This makes me a bit sad, until I remember his destination. He was a Christian and very keenly understood what that meant. He made sure my siblings and I understood it too. Often he would pray and ask God to spare him the pain of ever having to bury a child. God granted him that. Knowing he’d transition first, he spoke of wanting to see his three children again in Heaven. That’s up to us. He and my mother have done their part. Ironically, it was he who told me that I should become a writer, or a lawyer. At the time I scoffed at the idea that I should write, or argue for a living. I wanted to become a research scientist. Hmm. Now I’m a writer and I argue all the time. I’m thankful to God for you Daddy. We miss and love you. There has never been a day that has passed by when you weren’t in my thoughts. In a world in which so many don’t know, or don’t have their fathers in their lives, I’m so happy and blessed to not know what that feels like.

Until next musing,

Talitha K. McEachin

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Happy Father’s Day…I Hope Yours Wasn’t Hijacked

HFD MomFriends,

I had a wonderful Father’s Day with my family sharing & laughing over a meal. I also am very blessed to have such wonderful memories of my own father Leroy, who passed away nearly four years ago. There is never a day that goes by when I don’t think of him, but today is especially nostalgic for me. As I wish all of the fathers out there a very happy day – their day, I must briefly respond to those women, namely some single mothers, who think it’s OK to hijack this holiday from men. I shared this on Facebook & I stand by it:

I have really had it with some women trying to hijack Father’s Day just because you had children with an irresponsible man & he is absentee. Let the men have their ONE day ladies. Women are not fathers nor can they be. Women aren’t female versions of men (or vice-versa).You are a woman, a mother doing the best you can and/or a phenomenal job in the absence of your children’s father. Unless some of you ladies have suddenly grown male sex organs & therefore know what it’s like to be a man, stop it with the “I’m Mom and Dad” nonsense, that’s impossible. Just be happy with YOUR day which we celebrated last month…sheesh! The irony is that you never hear single fathers wishing themselves a happy Mother’s Day…#howmuchattentiondoyouneed

 

This debate over single mothers declaring themselves as “both Mom & Dad” boils down to two sides – those who believe that parental roles are gender restrictive, and those who expand that to define it merely as anyone who fulfills the role in question, whether they are male or female. Obviously, I am in the former group. People who believe that it’s OK to wish single mothers “Happy Father’s Day” (or men “Happy Mother’s Day”) have succumb to this underlying missive from some in America, to neutralize gender, and this goes against humanity itself, which is equally dependent on procreation, therefore, both genders. This is an anti-humanity position as far as I’m concerned but I digress. The great irony of those of the latter persuasion, is that many of them were raised in single parent homes, and though they make the claim that “Mom is my Dad” or “Dad is my Mom” – there is still an underlying feeling that “something is missing”. This is usually the case when boys are raised by a single mother or daughters are raised by a single Dad, if the parent was not wise enough to seek help in co-rearing the child with someone of the opposite gender. Some have done this & their children are better for it and I am not speaking of such parents. If a single parent is fulfilling both roles as adequately as proponents of gender-neutral parenting claim, then there should be zero complaints or lamenting regarding the missing gender! You cannot celebrate your parent for fulfilling both roles and in the same breath complain that you did not have the other. It doesn’t work that way. As someone inevitably retorted to me on Facebook:

“While I do not support legalized same-sex marriage, I also recognize that in many homes gender alone does not define the role of mother and father.What about same-sex couples who are raising children, and each parent fulfills a different gender role?”

The answer is that in such households where the parents are of the same gender, only one role is being fulfilled but personalities & methods can be different. Gender is not something that can just be turned off or on like a light bulb in the same person, although some have tried. If children are being reared by two men then they have two fathers to honor on Father’s Day. Two lesbians raising children together mean that there are two mothers. Period. In any case, all I’m saying to the single Moms (because you pretty much never hear a single father declaring that he is both & should be honored as such) is that both genders have a day, stop hijacking Father’s Day from the men…

 

Until next time! God Bless!

 
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Posted by on June 15, 2014 in Philosophy, Society, Uncategorized

 

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For Children, Young & Old: Death of a Parent

That’s my father in the picture included & I want to share with you all after comforting a friend tonight. I37182_438498502814_503392814_5216555_6908559_n[1] was speaking to an old friend tonight who lost her Dad very recently. She, understandably, was very upset and knew of my father’s passing 3 years, 4 months and 13 days ago as of 11am today. I consoled her & shared that I really didn’t grieve at the time of his death (immediate) because I am the eldest child & felt that I had to be very strong for my two siblings and as it turned out, my very strong mother, whom I saw cry for the first time in my entire life when he passed. My grief showed itself in other physical ways. I ignored my own emotional needs in light of my family’s, but my cavity in my tooth, which hadn’t really bothered me much before then, suddenly shouted – nonstop until I saw a dentist & rectified this physical problem. Anyhow, she asked me “When will you get over it?” I gave her my honest answer: “NEVER. You’ll only learn to live with it & enjoy fond memories (if that’s the case – I don’t know what children of uninvolved/absentee fathers go through & I thank God for that everyday).

She lamented that there were so many things which she had not asked for forgiveness from to her father, and now she could not. I’m sharing this to say that children (grown or minor) no matter what, your parents love you. They know more about your faults than you do, whether you realize it or not. I’m speaking of involved parents here, not absentee. They know that despite your immature, unintentional, intentional folly, who you are & they love you – even if you declare that you don’t in a moment – lasting or fleeting, of anger or folly. Do not become a slave to guilt – it will kill you if you allow it to. Forgiveness seems to be inherently parental, as far as I’m concerned & can discern of parenthood from being a child. Parents (normal) don’t have the ability to sever themselves that way. Your success is the song which parts their lips and the breath in their lungs. They love you no matter what, they sacrifice & give so much of themselves. My Dad certainly did (and so does my mother) – if you did not get the chance to seek forgiveness from a deceased parent – take the reins of inherited, inherent forgiveness. Don’t let guilt take that away from you. There has not been one single day that has gone by that I have not thought of my Dad…..and I still cry sometimes. It’ will be alright – and I’m in the not so unique position of declaring that, with certainty. #Beentheredonethat…respectfully.

Until next time……..Talitha “TK” McEachin

 
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Posted by on November 16, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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Father’s Day Introspection…

Consevative Libertarian blogger Talitha McEachin

Consevative Libertarian blogger Talitha McEachin

One of the things I’ve noticed between the two holidays designated to honor parents, is that too many greetings toward men are more often phrased in a condescending way. Each year I see things like “Happy Father’s Day to the men who are taking care of their kids/doing what they are supposed to be doing/sticking around for their kids/not out in the streets/setting an example/not out there making babies everywhere…etc” – In other words it is more often phrased in the form of what a good father is not doing, and I think that’s a sad state of affairs. This is further exacerbated by greetings directed towards women on this day as well. Women aren’t fathers, so I find that especially silly. A woman who wishes mothers a “Happy Father’s Day, diminishes the role of men and in effect, attempts to render the institution gender-neutral – whether deliberately or out of ignorance. Excuse my candor, but being a father requires a penis, and if you were not born with one, you’re incapable of being a father.

I don’t understand why some cannot honor the institution of fatherhood without indirectly (or directly) reflecting father's daynegative images & stereotypes of men. I don’t know about you all, but I had a wonderful father who was very loving, affectionate, wise, a disciplinarian – his good qualities far outweighed any negative ones. I know some of you either didn’t have your Dad in your life or didn’t know him but just once, I wish those individuals would focus on the institution of fatherhood and honor it, instead of keeping the negative father/male images in the forefront of their greetings to men in general & the ones in their lives. After all, those who were not raised by a Dad, should understand (in some ways more) how important the institution of fatherhood is, having had it absent from their lives. I just don’t see this disdain on Mother’s Day, as if all mothers are good ones. Happy Father’s Day to all of the men who are fathers – with no strings attached. I appreciate you. I appreciate the institution of fatherhood. May God Bless you!

Psalm 103:13 
As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him.

 
3 Comments

Posted by on June 16, 2013 in Philosophy, Society

 

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