That’s my father in the picture included & I want to share with you all after comforting a friend tonight. I was speaking to an old friend tonight who lost her Dad very recently. She, understandably, was very upset and knew of my father’s passing 3 years, 4 months and 13 days ago as of 11am today. I consoled her & shared that I really didn’t grieve at the time of his death (immediate) because I am the eldest child & felt that I had to be very strong for my two siblings and as it turned out, my very strong mother, whom I saw cry for the first time in my entire life when he passed. My grief showed itself in other physical ways. I ignored my own emotional needs in light of my family’s, but my cavity in my tooth, which hadn’t really bothered me much before then, suddenly shouted – nonstop until I saw a dentist & rectified this physical problem. Anyhow, she asked me “When will you get over it?” I gave her my honest answer: “NEVER. You’ll only learn to live with it & enjoy fond memories (if that’s the case – I don’t know what children of uninvolved/absentee fathers go through & I thank God for that everyday).
She lamented that there were so many things which she had not asked for forgiveness from to her father, and now she could not. I’m sharing this to say that children (grown or minor) no matter what, your parents love you. They know more about your faults than you do, whether you realize it or not. I’m speaking of involved parents here, not absentee. They know that despite your immature, unintentional, intentional folly, who you are & they love you – even if you declare that you don’t in a moment – lasting or fleeting, of anger or folly. Do not become a slave to guilt – it will kill you if you allow it to. Forgiveness seems to be inherently parental, as far as I’m concerned & can discern of parenthood from being a child. Parents (normal) don’t have the ability to sever themselves that way. Your success is the song which parts their lips and the breath in their lungs. They love you no matter what, they sacrifice & give so much of themselves. My Dad certainly did (and so does my mother) – if you did not get the chance to seek forgiveness from a deceased parent – take the reins of inherited, inherent forgiveness. Don’t let guilt take that away from you. There has not been one single day that has gone by that I have not thought of my Dad…..and I still cry sometimes. It’ will be alright – and I’m in the not so unique position of declaring that, with certainty. #Beentheredonethat…respectfully.
Until next time……..Talitha “TK” McEachin